Tanking for Dummies

Top 10 Things That Need Updating for Onyxia
August 14, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Humor, Lists | Tags: , , ,

In case you missed it, Onyxia is making a comeback.  But let’s be serious here, the encounter mechanics are seriously out of date.  Onyxia needs a face-lift, pronto, both to make it fun and make it worthwhile.  For your entertainment, may I present a list of sorts of things that desperately need to be updated about Onyxia to catch my interest.

10. Armor Models need Updating: I am sure Druids will be happy to get the Cenarion set back, but the Wrath set was a goddamn kick in the teeth to anyone with fashion sense.

9. No More Fucking Fire Resist Gear: Remember, Remember the Thorium Brotherhood, the faction that should have been shot.  I see every reason that the Thorium Brotherhood should forever be forgot.

8. Updated Quest Rewards for Turning in the Head: There was this trinket, see, called the Onxyia Blood Talisman.  Some of us used this trinket for all of classic WoW.  Some of us are kind of short on Trinkets, savvie?

7. A Bigger Bag: You know how Onyxia dropped her purse before?  Well, she’s older now, and any student of bags should know that the older you get the larger your bag gets.  It’s like a law of nature.

6. Epic Gems: Her change purse should also drop Epic Gems.

5. Updated Quests for Class Specific Items: That Mature Black Dragon Sinew was kind of important, and the quest involved was awesome.  I know a certain priest that would kill to do a revised version of the Benediction quest as well.  Let’s not forget Quel’Serrar.  I have a copy of Foror’s Compendium of Dragonslaying all ready and set to go, bitch.

4. Homage to the “More Dots” guy: You know, this dude?

3. Marshal “Jailhouse Beatdown” Windsor: Maybe a visit to his grave.  So I can dig up his skull and use it to practice Gnome Ball.

2. The Buff – Yeah, that buff.  The one Blizzard made so it didn’t work if you were above level 63?  Give.

1. Fucking Deep Breath: Now that we know you made it random, can we actually get a a mechanic that makes any sense?  You know, so we can apply strategy? Damn stupid Deep Breath and the endless stupid speculation.   Yes, I’m still pissed off about that.


3 Comments so far
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The funny thing is, most of the “solutions” for the random mechanic were strategically valid for other reasons, which is probably why a lot of them stuck around.

-Spreading out: reduces the splash damage from her random-target fireballs, reducing the strain on the healers so that they have more mana going into phase 3.
-MOARDOTS!: The more dots you put on her, the faster the phase is over, reducing the number of breaths you get.
-Non-dot debuffs: . . . ok, most of these were just a waste.
-Watch her positioning and move to the wings: well, this IS how you get out of the way, so not a bad idea even if it’s not stopping her from casting, since it’s stopping you from being killed.

I had actually always figured it probably WAS a totally random mechanic, but most of these were still good ideas (or at least relatively harmless bad ones).

Also I should point out that it would be Stormrage rather than Cenarion for droods. Because I am a pedant like that >.>

Comment by Yuki

Yeah, but how many bad feelings were exchanged because of the attempts to discern a strategy when there really wasn’t any?

Comment by Tarsus

If Onyxia gets an upgraded backpack while the rest of us are still stuck with this stupid 16-slotter, heads will roll.

And I don’t mean the dragon’s!


Comment by Elleiras

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