Tanking for Dummies

The next Stupid Tank could be you!
January 6, 2010, 2:29 pm
Filed under: News | Tags: , ,

Well, ladies and gentlemen of all shapes sizes and colors – I finally have the opportunity that you all have been waiting for:

Axiom needs a new Tank to add to the roster.

In this economy, finding a spot for a good tank is hard.  And nine times out of ten, your new raid team just blames you for everything and makes you feel downright bad.  I mean, who wants that?

Axiom is different.  Axiom will make you feel dirty, but in the best way possible.  Axiom will make you question your sanity, and love every second of it.  Axiom also has 90% of the population of female horde raiders on Scarlet Crusade.  Your esteemed leader would be none other than Snarky Seri from World of Snarkcraft.

But we didn’t get where we are on reputation alone, no sir.  We have standards.  For example:

  • Gear/Experience: We are seeking skilled players. We prefer applicants who have TBC raid experience, but it’s not required. Conversely, WotLK raid experience is a MUST. For gear, ideal applicants will have mostly ilvl 232 or higher gear (ToC & beyond). We have been known to consider less geared and/or experienced applicants who submit strong applications.
  • Raid Prep/Availability: Applicants must be able to regularly attend the majority of our raids — we are not in the market for part-time raiders. Applicants must have time between raids and be motivated to gather consumables, gold for repairs, research raid strategies and self-review/improve performance.
  • Knowledge: Folks who are knowledgeable about their class/spec/role and are always researching ways to push the limits will feel right at home here. We actively review our raiders monthly in an effort to improve raid performance and provide constructive feedback.
  • Maturity: Axiom has a strong raiding core made up of players who are dedicated to the guild. We are seeking players with the same sense of dedication, players who want to find a home, to raid with us in WotLK. Applicants should have have a mature attitude. We don’t tolerate drama.

Specifically, for a tank, you would do well to possess the following:

  • Be as dense as a sack of bricks and willing to be beaten repeatedly in the face over and over.
  • Top at least 36k health, unbuffed.
  • Be a card carrying member of the Tanking Union.  No Scabs need apply.
  • Like or be able to acquire a taste for Potato Salad.
  • Read your Tanking for Dummies regularly.
  • In possession of the necessary fortitude to face certain death in the name of fame, fortune, and epics.
  • …and still be able to formulate complete sentences in both speech and writing.  (Difficult, I know, with multiple brain trauma).

If you are still interested in this rare and unique opportunity and I have not scared the pants off you, you should make your way to Recruitment Area of the Axiom Forums and, after registering, fill out the necessary application form!  Needless to say, conforming to the necessary standards will be of the greatest help to you.  Seriously, she’s the one that’s reading your application.

So what are you waiting for?  You wouldn’t want this spot to be filled by someone other than a Warrior would you?  WOULD YOU?


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

lol, I love the required tank attributes, and aside from the “In possession of the necessary fortitude to face certain death in the name of fame, fortune, and epics.” part, I think I fit the bill perfectly.

I’m just too stupid to be afraid of certain death… Minsc said it best, “You point, I punch!”

Unfortunately I love the guild I’m in and I don’t play on Scarlet Crusade, otherwise I’d put in an app right quick :)

Comment by Kudos

Of course, the timing of my decision to take a break from the game coincides perfectly with the chance to tank alongside one of my favourite bloggers. And my warrior would have looked so much cooler as a giant Tauren rather than his current undersized-human frame.

Comment by Llamaeggs

I love my current raid too much and have too many friends on Feathermoon to switch servers. But oh, the temptation…

Comment by Linedan

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