Tanking for Dummies

An Exciting Opportunity
January 11, 2010, 2:25 pm
Filed under: Humor | Tags: ,

Do you suffer from bouts of extreme anger?

Does your red meter feel bloated or full?

Does your usual regimen of Devastate or Shield Slam just not do it for you anymore?

If any of these symptoms describes you, or you have ever felt the sudden urge to crush the cell phone you have bought for your significant other*, you may suffer from a common Warrior condition known as WTMR°.  The causes for this condition vary, from glyphs to spec, to traumatic brain injury.  But no matter the cause of your WTMR, there is hope.

My name is Dr. Tarsus Grimtotem, and though I am not an actual doctor I play one on Television.  Actually, no, I don’t even play one on television, I am just wearing a white lab coat and appear trustworthy.  Either way, I am totally qualified to inform you about an exciting new treatment for WTMR: Heroicstrikacin¹.  Unlike other available treatments for WTMR, Heroicstrikacin doesn’t eat your global cooldown, so you will be ready for that taunt whenever the opportunity arises.  Better yet, Heroicstrikacin doesn’t require a prescription, meaning you can use it whenever the need arises.  It contains no harsh chemicals, and relies solely on wholesome natural processes to relieve your WTMR.  In clinical trials, Heroicstrikacin was show to reduce WTMR by up to 100%.  You can try Heroicstrikacin for free for up to 10 days by visiting this website.

You should not use Heroicstrikacin in low rage environments to avoid having dead healers.  Side effects include mood swings, inability to use other tanking abilities, and painful debilitating hand injuries.  Should you experience any of these effects under the influence of Heroicstrikacin, you should immediately seek medical attention.

If you cannot afford your medications, Blizzard Pharmaceuticals may be able to help.  Actually, no they won’t, but we can always hope they will pay for your subscription.  Er.  Prescription.

* Observed in clinical testing.

° Way Too Much Rage

¹ Generic Name: Heroic Strike


6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

But can it be taken with Potato Salad?

Comment by Kobeathris

In rats it was shown to even enhance the appetite for potato salad.

Comment by Tarsus

Stick to tanking. I love your posts about tanking… leave the “comedy” to theonion.com.

Comment by Boboshraun

So I dunno if this is intentional or not, but GoggleAds has decided to insert the following between your article and your comments:

Chronic Constipation
Get information you may need to manage your Chronic Constipation.

Who knew? Sarcasm still wins vs The Internet.

On my warrior alt, who really only comes out for heroics, the Heroic Strike function is very rarely used. This Troll is all about the Cleave, baby (glyphed and all!).

Comment by Juzaba

Other studies have proven Heroicstrikacin an effective treatment for Damage Per Second Disfunction as well!

Comment by Yuki

With the number of heroics I am running lately I don’t even have Heroic Strike on my tool bar–or maybe its in an odd corner.

Its all Cleave now.

Comment by Guthammer

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