Tanking for Dummies


King Varian Wrynn is a FailWarrior
September 28, 2009, 10:47 am
Filed under: Humor | Tags: , , ,

That I have a deep loathing for Varian Wrynn is no great secret.  He fails at statecraft.  He fails at logic.  He fails at killing Garrosh Hellscream when he had the chance to spare the Horde from a terrible fate.

Then, see, I got to looking real close and I realized that not only is he a FailKing, he’s a FailWarrior.

I present to you, exhibit A:

Swords

Notice something particularly queer about those blades?  Oh, yes, they’re one handed swords.  Yo, Varian.  I hate to break it to you, but even if those things are friggin’ legendary, you’re missing the blessing of Titan’s Grip – you know the part where you wield two giant two-handed weapons for insane DPS.

So, what did the King of Stormwind get in exchange for this error in assigning talent points?  Apparently he talked some Blizzard developer to let him keep Heroic Leap from the beta instead.  Yeah, I know, I was kind underwhelmed as well.  Don’t get me wrong, it was cool while it lasted, but like most fail-specs, you’ve given up a seriously important ability for something gimmicky.

I’m sure I can see a few of you among the Alliance who are nodding their heads.  You knew all along that someone wasn’t pulling their weight in the group.  Well, now you know.  Some rogues could have probably made pretty good use of those swords too.  I suppose this is what happens when you give Jaina master looter privileges.

I’m sure your litany of complaints must be long, warriors of the Alliance.  He never puts up Demo Shout.  No Rampage either.  And now this.  It’s almost like the only thing he brings to your team is his chin.  You have my sympathies.  Fortunately, we in the Horde have your back.  We’ll kill him again and again for you.

You just have to promise the same when it’s Garrosh’s turn.  Deal?



Big Numbers Needed
September 18, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Advice for Non Tanks, News, Raiding | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Some of you were, shall we say, inspired by my recent public service announcement.  However, perhaps you were hesitant to make the leap blindly.  Perhaps!

But Perhaps No More.

horde-poster

Uncle Saurfang wants YOU to join Axiom!

Once again, Axiom is recruiting!  In addition to giving me an exciting opportunity to abuse italics, we need DPS. I, personally, am somewhat sad our raid team lacks a Fury Warrior.  However, all DPS Class/Specs are welcome, nay encouraged, to apply.

Needless to say, serious applicants should heed the timeless advice of Seri over at World of Snarkcraft.  She’s only one of our co-guildmasters after all.  But aside from that, you seriously need to run, do not walk to our forum, and particular this section to apply right NOW.

Do not delay!