Tanking for Dummies

An Exciting Opportunity
January 11, 2010, 2:25 pm
Filed under: Humor | Tags: ,

Do you suffer from bouts of extreme anger?

Does your red meter feel bloated or full?

Does your usual regimen of Devastate or Shield Slam just not do it for you anymore?

If any of these symptoms describes you, or you have ever felt the sudden urge to crush the cell phone you have bought for your significant other*, you may suffer from a common Warrior condition known as WTMR°.  The causes for this condition vary, from glyphs to spec, to traumatic brain injury.  But no matter the cause of your WTMR, there is hope.

My name is Dr. Tarsus Grimtotem, and though I am not an actual doctor I play one on Television.  Actually, no, I don’t even play one on television, I am just wearing a white lab coat and appear trustworthy.  Either way, I am totally qualified to inform you about an exciting new treatment for WTMR: Heroicstrikacin¹.  Unlike other available treatments for WTMR, Heroicstrikacin doesn’t eat your global cooldown, so you will be ready for that taunt whenever the opportunity arises.  Better yet, Heroicstrikacin doesn’t require a prescription, meaning you can use it whenever the need arises.  It contains no harsh chemicals, and relies solely on wholesome natural processes to relieve your WTMR.  In clinical trials, Heroicstrikacin was show to reduce WTMR by up to 100%.  You can try Heroicstrikacin for free for up to 10 days by visiting this website.

You should not use Heroicstrikacin in low rage environments to avoid having dead healers.  Side effects include mood swings, inability to use other tanking abilities, and painful debilitating hand injuries.  Should you experience any of these effects under the influence of Heroicstrikacin, you should immediately seek medical attention.

If you cannot afford your medications, Blizzard Pharmaceuticals may be able to help.  Actually, no they won’t, but we can always hope they will pay for your subscription.  Er.  Prescription.

* Observed in clinical testing.

° Way Too Much Rage

¹ Generic Name: Heroic Strike


Preventing “The Claw” – Binding Heroic Strike to Mousewheel
November 30, 2009, 11:57 am
Filed under: Analysis, How To | Tags: , , ,

I make a lot of jokes about Warrior tanks crippling themselves trying to max out their Heroic Strike usage.  In the parlance, I refer to the ravages of carpal tunnel as “The Claw” (pronounced like ‘da crah!’), that feeling after raid like you cannot move your hand because your fingers hurt from jamming that Heroic Strike key for 4 hours.

I can’t help but feel I’ve been a little flippant about this whole thing.  So to make it up to everyone, I’m going to give you all a brief primer on setting up the best temporary solution to give your left hand a break: Bind your Heroic Strike Key to the Mousewheel.

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Top 10 Ways to Know Your Tank is a Noob.
March 20, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Advice for Non Tanks, Gear, Lists, Stupid Tanking | Tags: , , , ,

Everyone wants a good tank for their group.  Obviously, not all tanks can be Cinderhelm and Veneretio.  Sometimes you are stuck with me.  Sometimes, you are stuck with me on a cold day in January three years ago.  Just because you spec protection doesn’t make you a tank.

Yes, I once was a Noob (perhaps, as is the case in some strains in Buddhism, some might say I have the noob’s mind).  I have made most if not all of the mistakes I am about to list at some point in my now lengthy career as a tank.  Some of them I have made more than others.  While some might say that I learn best by failing, I think pretty much all of these lessons I wish someone had told me about before I wiped a group with them.

That said, you (like me) might be/have once been a noob if… Continue reading

Blue Promises: Looking at Heroic Strike
February 18, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Analysis | Tags: , , ,


In the spirit of a previous Wednesday, I think it is time again to look at a recent post by one of our illustrious Blizzard employees – in this instance Ghostcrawler.  The subject?  Heroic Strike, and it’s particular role as a warrior unique mechanic/pain in the butt.  The crab says:

We still are not convinced that warrior tanks are operating at some huge deficit compared to other tanks. There are going to be situations where one or the other classes are going to feel easier as tanks, just because the abilities and mechanics are still different despite all of our homogenization (and we really don’t want to homogenize any more).

I think there are some quality of life issues we can improve for warriors. Heroic Strike is definitely one of them. It does its job in letting you convert excess rage to threat without consuming a global cooldown, but it requires a lot of extra button pushes. It is something we are discussing.

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