Tanking for Dummies


Top 10 Things to do While Waiting for Patch 3.3 to go Live
December 4, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Humor, Lists | Tags: , , ,

Does it seem like your life is a roller coaster, going from Tuesday to Tuesday?  Does each fateful week pass for you, leaving only disappointment?  Is there nothing you want more in life than to stop doing ToC and fling yourself bodily into Icecrown?

For you for whom patience is not enough, I give you these helpful suggestions:

10. Review the strategies for taking down long forgotten bosses as part of the Weekly Raid Quests.

9. Bank money to blow on repair bills – the pug demands it.

8. Stockpile consumables, like flasks, potions, and stacks of Glyph of Taunt.

7. Log on to the PTR and do practice runs of the Icecrown Citadel 5-man Dungeons.

6. Watch videos of the boss fights in Icecrown Citadel Raid.

5. Cast another vote for Basic Campfire.

4. Dream up the RP background for your new Worgen or Goblin.

3. Compose a crazy rant to convince the scary lady with knives that we shouldn’t run ToC anymore.

2. Make a sandwich.

1. Get treatment for the pain in your Heroic Strike hand.

And you thought it was just repetitive stress injury.  HA!

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Icecrown Citadel: Patch 3.3 PTR Tanking Loot
November 13, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Gear, Lists, News | Tags: , , ,

Patch day is getting close, and that means its time again for me to parse the loot lists of MMO Champion for you, dear reader, to peruse!

Without further ado, on to the lists!

25 Man Normal Loot

Rowan’s Rifle of Silver Bullets

Legguards of Lost Hope

Belt of Broken Bones

Bracers of Dark Reckoning

Harbinger’s Bone Band

10 Man Normal Loot

The Brokenhammer

Cloak of Many Skins

Marrowgar’s Scratching Choker

5 Man Heroic Loot

Falric’s Wrist-Chopper

Rimefang’s Claw

Black Spire Sabatons

Second Helm of the Executioner

Shoulderplates of Frozen Blood

Fossilized Ammonite Choker

Ick’s Rotting Thumb

5 Man Normal Loot

Splintered Door of the Citadel

Scourgelord’s Frigid Chestplate

Sollerets of Suffering

Crystalline Citadel Gauntlets

Legplates of Frozen Granite

Titanium Links of Lore

Eerie Runeblade Polisher

Emblem of Frost

Cataclysmic Chestguard

Gauntlets of the Kraken

Verdigris Chain Belt

Sentinel’s Winter Cloak

Corroded Skeleton Key

Sigil of the Bone Gryphon

We still don’t know the stats on Tier 10, however, even if we do know the set bonuses.

Among other news, there does not appear to be any form of Quel’Delar designed for tanks (boo!).  On the plus side, most of this gear is the best itemized we’ve seen to date in WoTLK, so there will be plenty of opportunities for tanking, very soon.  Remember though folks, this is PTR loot so it could change very soon (not to mention this is only the loot that we’ve managed to see thus far!.



Tarsus is an Old Cow
November 2, 2009, 12:46 pm
Filed under: Lists | Tags: ,

As I have mentioned before, Tarsus was the first character I made for World of Warcraft.  I had dreams of Hordes of Tauren armed with pole-arms tearing it up in PvP spamming /moo.  Though after I learned Tauren didn’t have access to the war totems they carried in Warcraft III he was neglected for a while, he will still be five years old in March.  That’s pretty darn old for a MMO character.

But it got me thinking.  At five years out, this spring, I will have been playing WoW for longer than I’ve played all other MMOs combined.  Everquest, Dark Age of Camelot, Anarchy Online, and Ragnarok Online all held my interest for a little while (up to two years in the case of EQ), but never for as long or sustained a period as WoW.  So, why is that?

Here’s my thoughts on the matter:

  1. I get to play it with Jov – Playing with your significant other is pretty much better than anything you could ask for, but it’s only a piece of the puzzle (after all, Blizzard is now trying to keep up both of our interests).
  2. The non-realistic graphical style has kept itself surprisingly contemporary – While most MMOs appear seriously dated 5 years out, Blizzard seems to have picked an style that has a certain amount of wiggle room.  Any updates that will be applied come Cataclysm will only likely extend its life.
  3. Access to End-Game Content – I was lucky in some ways and thanks to great guild reputation and good references managed to get into the raiding thing pretty much right when my first character hit max level (technically a little before, I suppose).  Blizzard has clearly make it a priority to keep that content as accessible as possible and this would certainly explain why.
  4. Fun and amusing leveling content – Giving me some reason to actually level my characters means I have something to do when not raiding.  It also means that if I loose my “Access to End-Game Content” I might still play the game.
  5. A community of like-minded individuals – aka a guild.  For me, EQ only stayed worthwhile as long as I was with my guild (shout out to any “Holy Monks” that might be reading).  It’s demise when the end of my subscription.  So it might be said for WoW as well.  If Axiom ever kicked the bucket and failed to re-constitute itself (or I failed to find another guild), it probably wouldn’t be long before I was out of here.
  6. The Warrior class – It should be worth mentioning that the actual class I play (and, at that, the one I play almost exclusively!) is a leading contender for the reason that I’m still here 5-years on.  I certainly never feel like playing a Warrior tank ever gets stale.  If it ever did, I’m not sure if I would be able to play something else.

Is there anything that you, dear reader, feel should be on this list?  What keeps you playing when other things might lure you away?



Wipe Blame: The Tank List
October 30, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Humor, Lists, Stupid Tanking | Tags: , ,

Allow me to rise to Amber’s challenge to match her “Blame Table“.  Just for tanks.

Or, perhaps, I should simply call it my list of “why every wipe is secretly the tank’s fault.”

1st Cause of the Wipe: Tank lost agro

Reasons why this is the tank’s fault:

  • The tank forgot to get back into Defensive Stance/Frost Presence, etc.
  • The tank is in their DPS spec.
  • The tank is dead (this, contrary to some rumors, always causes agro wipe).
  • The tank’s claw-like appendage sometimes called a hand has finally dropped off due to excessive heroic strike spam.

2nd Cause of Wipe: Tank is dead

Reasons why this is the tanks fault:

  • Forgot to use the right cooldown.
  • Used the right cooldown, but a the wrong time.
  • Used the right cooldown, at the right time, but was fighting Gormok the Impaler.
  • Attempted to start a land war in Asia.

3rd Cause of Wipe: Ignoring the tank to 1-shot squishes

Reason why this is the tank’s fault:

  • Didn’t open with shield slam.
  • There is no hit gear in ToC.
  • Tank is dead.
  • Prudery is no excuse for not humping the boss before it becomes active.

4th cause of Wipe: Healer is dead

Reasons why this is the tank’s fault:

  • The only thing between the healer and death is the tank.
  • The only thing between the tank and death is the healer.
  • We live in fear of the healer mafia.

5th cause of Wipe: The adds are killing everyone

Reasons why this is the tank’s fault:

  • Didn’t play a Paladin.
  • Didn’t play a Death Knight.
  • Didn’t Vigilance the Mage.
  • The tank is dead.

6th cause of Wipe: DPS is too low

Reasons this is the tank’s fault:

  • Not enough threat.
  • Didn’t Vigilance the Mage.
  • Tank is Dead.
  • Didn’t swap to Berserker stance and start execute spam.

7th Cause of Wipe: Ignorance

Reasons why this is the tank’s fault:

  • Assumed everyone had read the strat/watched the video on TankSpot/remembered to keep up to date on their Tanking for Dummies feed.
  • Missed the tanking assignments because they were tabbed out playing browser games.
  • “Close your eyes and think of England” is not a sufficient strat summary.

Don’t despair my fellow Tanks, just remember –  even if it is always your fault it’s not like anyone else can take the hits and maintain a stunning 31 Intellect.  That’s what we call job security.



Top 10 Things I want to know from Blizzcon
August 21, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Humor, Lists | Tags: , ,

Even if they’re not actually on the menu.

10. What is in Icecrown Citadel?

9. How many of the MMO Champion rumors about the expansion are true?

8. Will any Tauren costumes be using these?

7. Will Diablo 3 or Starcraft 2 finally get a release date?

6. Will they stop teasing us about changes to Warrior rage generation and just tell us what they’re going to do?

5. Can that which is not dead eternal lie? and with strange eons, can even death die? (i.e. What does C’thun do while having rez sickness?)

4. Will the secret new project that Blizzard has been working on be revealed?

3. Can we get a more updated picture of Ghostcrawler to use with our “QQ nerfed!” posts?

2. Will anyone admit that the Argent Tournament was a questionable addition to the game?

1. But seriously: Who will win the dance contest this year?



Top 10 Things That Need Updating for Onyxia
August 14, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Humor, Lists | Tags: , , ,

In case you missed it, Onyxia is making a comeback.  But let’s be serious here, the encounter mechanics are seriously out of date.  Onyxia needs a face-lift, pronto, both to make it fun and make it worthwhile.  For your entertainment, may I present a list of sorts of things that desperately need to be updated about Onyxia to catch my interest.

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The 5 Characteristics of the Happy Tank
June 10, 2009, 12:01 am
Filed under: Advice for Non Tanks, Lists | Tags: , ,

Following up on Monday’s thoughts on leveling prot warriors, it occurs to me I didn’t say anything about who might find it fun. Given all the changes that have been made to Tanking in WoW, I dare say there is no better time to pick up a tank than now.  This has been a pretty exclusive club so far, but the dis-incentives that were put into tanking have all but vanished, and the there is that whole Death Knights start at 55 thing going.

That said, some things haven’t changed and I cannot help shake the impression that tanking is still not for everyone.  That is perhaps doubly so for we Warriors who Tank.  However, given that there will be many people now who are taking a second look at tanking I wanted to provide a bit of insight into what I think characterizes Warrior Tanks.  So if you’re thinking of making a tank, or even dual-speccing to tank, consider these following traits.

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